[QUOTE=beadlady29;1014886][QUOTE]You cannot let this disorder dictate fear of yourself........stigma be damned!!! Forgive the masses for they DO NOT understand.........and never will. You do not need them to understand........if you live with nothing, no money, no friends, no family........it cannot destroy you. The borderline can sure try but YOU have control over who you share this journey with........this precious, precious journey. You may not be like me who practically shouted it from the rooftops........but if you have pride in your own process, others will too. It is NOT easy, the more I have been pushed down, the more stubborn and antagonistic I get........and maybe I sound patronising from my soap box........but a little bit of me breaks when I see people struggle so much with WHO they are and why they feel so uncomfortable in their own skin.You cannot let this disorder dictate fear of yourself........stigma be damned!!! Forgive the masses for they DO NOT understand.........and never will. You do not need them to understand........if you live with nothing, no money, no friends, no family........it cannot destroy you. The borderline can sure try but YOU havWe all struggle, but the overcoming, the living with stillness even if it is chaos. The fundamental acceptance of who we are even if it doesn't always feel good.
e control over who you share this journey with........this precious, precious journey. You may not be like me who practically shouted it from the rooftops........but if you have pride in your own process, others will too. It is NOT easy, the more I have been pushed down, the more stubborn and antagonistic I get........and maybe I sound patronising from my soap box........but a little bit of me breaks when I see people struggle so much with WHO they are and why they feel so uncomfortable in their own skin.
we ARE learning to embrace ourselfs and even what all of the labels represent....that we ARE a survivor..........and no many how many times they push beat us down we alsayw find a way to pcik uoprselves back up wipe off the dirt and the blood and the muck and the tears adn keep moving forward.........there are many dayse (like today) that we dunnot know why we keep pressing onward but we do know that we will never never let her give up because iffen we do then THEY win and we will not let them win./..........somewhere inside there is a winner in us we just gotta find her
beads tell you thank you for acknowledging our struggles AND our efforts.........we dont hear that form anyone
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Not many people can say they are confronted with such a mission, a true calling(I see mine as one. Its not for everybody!) despite its terror. No-one can take away YOUR story, your fight, your hesitant, beautiful, unconditional acceptance of yourselves after much work, sacrifice and heartbreak. If only people really knew........they would breathlessly stare at you in wonderment and awe and ask "How do you have the courage? My God, I can barely stand the idea. I would die." And most people would. But you all won't because your story is scripture.......it is written as part of history and you need to tell it one day.
it is in the telling that there is so much pain..........because iffen we allow oursevles the tellng we might actually have to\be able to feel it again and we is soooooooooo scared of those feelings they hurt so dadgum bad...............they seep out along with bits and pieces of the story, the puzzle if you will and leave us feeling so empty, so like our guts are just dragging on the floor.......but still we will keep going iffen we has to get a cart to carry them along behind us....someday, maybe we will understand the story and put all of the pieces of the puzzle together into something coherent and beautifu.,and be able to tell all......courage that we does not maybe have mustered up yet dunno were wornking on it tho
as the stillness and the chaos are so intertwined, the acceptance of who we are and where we've been seems like the hardest thing in the world to do
it feels so much worse then not good...............but we will keep ontrying to discover the good that must be in thre somewhere.not the old tapes of the garbage they taught us
thank you for such insightful support and encouragement
mary and all of us beadys
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Hi mary and all you beadys.........thank you for wonderful insights and your courage even if you don't always feel it.......I see this huge undercurrent of strength in what you say. It is humbling and is knowledge for me. I am always amazed at peoples resilience......to face adversity. I have never seen myself as a resilient person........I don't quite know yet what gets me through. With hindsight I am sure I will. Stubbornness is sure part of it.
By the way, in the past, when my guts have fallen out and dragged on the floor(and believe me, they have, as well as my spirit!), I got myself a bright red wheelbarrow to carry it all around in!
. That way, it was safe and wouldn't get dirty until I was ready to put it all back. Metaphorically speaking!!
Get yourself one.......it is worth it!!!!!(and your arms wont get sore from carrying it all)
Good on you, babe.......you are an inspiration.......
