Aren't the good feelings more now because you are progressing where previously there were few?
yes - but they always seem to have an equal bad feeling to follow 0- I havnt learned how to stop that - or maybe its just the return to my normal state of play
Is it because we (I) am afraid of feeling good? or losing the good feeling?
or afraid of the bad feeling coming back so we do somthing to make ourselves feel bad?
Did you come up with any answers on these questions yet?
from experience I know that the bad keeps following the good - I hold it at bay as long as I can but it always comes back...
Is the anticipatory fear more than the actual trigger?
its like keeping your guard up - when I let it down and relax a bit some dumb thing triggers me - somtimes things that havnt triggered me before
You can only do what you can do! 
I know.... but it still hurts .... the person I was would have gone - but she's dead now - theres only this new person and I dont know who she is
You have had a difficult patch going on lately, though......
yep but I had some good things happen - I held onto them as long as I could....
Your sadness is appropriate now........maybe ...
You are human now! dont feel it but thankyou
Wouldnt it be nice to be able to focus solely on the good and let the bad flow by....
then we wouldn't be human.......... hmmm thinking...... guess you're right.
it would be nice ... wouldnt it .
..................
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
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