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Tim, if you are upset over my postings to you, last night, i'm sorry. i hope you're getting professional help and in due time, all of this calms down for you. pat

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No, I was not upset in the least with your post. I was just concerned that I was beginning to wear out my welcome by constantly bring the same issue up. I found your post to be helpful. Please don't go around thinking that I am upset because I'm seriously not, ok .

Another thing I wanted to say is that my anxiety/worry is so out of control that this morning I woke up to discover that I had received a $418.00 bonus check in the mail and rather than being HAPPY about that, I started to think all kinds of bad things like "is this the last check before I get fired?" and "is this obligation money"? or "what if it turns out to be a mistake and I have to pay it all back?".

I sometimes feel that I'm just not capable of being happy (it's not in my genes or something). It's like there's this "dark angel" flying over my head all the time waiting for good things to happen so it can "make them bad". I just want to be happy again. I'd get drunk as a skunk right now if I did'nt think I'd wind up a booze head again. Sorry, just ranting.

Anyway, I want to thank all of you for your kindness, advice and friendship. Hey, we are all here because we have a cross of some sort to bear. Like is'nt easy to begin with and then there are these other annoyances that pop up and try to keep us down. Again, thank's