River,

Oh yeah. I also wanted to comment on what you said about being able to cope with the pain while not self-blaming. I blame myself ALOT. My t keeps saying if i attribute responsibility to my parents for what happened to me, then I will feel so much better because i won't blame myself anymore. But it feels easier to blame myself than to think that my parents (for whatever reason) chose not to bond with or protect me. And because I see all these parents who are affectionate with their kids and protect them like a mother bear, i keep feeling that there must have been something wrong with ME that prevented my parents from wanting to bond with and protect me. To think that i was OK, and that they just chose (for whatever reason) to ignore my needs and not protect me is absolutely a heartbreaking concept. I don't know if i can ever accept that. To me, that is so much worse than blaming myself.