((((((((((((((((hangingon)))))))))))))))))

wow - first I want to say, I am so impressed with the honesty and insight in your email. You were very brave to send that to your T. Your willingness to share those feelings, even though it's not in session, will be so helpful to you in this process.

I also really relate to your frustration about not being able to express anger. I have been frustrated lately about things I know I need to do in order to be able to heal, but I just don't know HOW to do it!
I guess the first step to learning is awareness....and then we have to be patient with ourselves.
My T has said that part of the therapy process is unraveling all the threads that have created the whole of our experience, like a tapestry...and once we unravel them and figure out how they were put together, we can create something new and beautiful from them.

It sounds like you're working hard......
try to do something nice for yourself, ok?