thunderbear, this little antecdote may cheer you up...........
Some years back (about ten) I used to walk my dog down at the mall in the giant grassy areas around the perimeter. Next door was a Carmax dealership that I used to walk by nearly every day. One day I saw a Geo Tracker sitting in the lot, a little SUV with splash decals on the side and a convertible top. I thought, 'that would be neat to drive', since I was driving a Nissan Sentra at the time. I looked inside and my heart dropped when I saw it was a 5 speed manual (never drove stick before and felt a bit phobic about it). That night I couldn't get it out of my head. Something in me said 'I have to buy it'. I had a feeling of dread and exhilaration at the same time.
The next day I looked at it again, and couldn't believe the price considering the mileage and condition it was in. I went in and bought it right then, trading in the Nissan. At that point I had nothing else to drive, and I couldn't drive the stick, so I thought 'what the H am I going to do now'?.................I'll tell you what I did...........I climbed in that car, started it up and drove it home.....It wasn't pretty either. I popped, stalled, peeled out, ground the gears into oblivion....but I got it home.....and the next time I drove it I did the same thing, and again, and again. Until I got better and better, until one day I was driving that 5 speed like it was the only thing I had ever driven......My current truck is a 5 speed and at this point I don't think I will ever drive anything else.
If nothing else, that experience taught to respect myself...that I can do it, no matter what others think. I had put my mind to it....I was the middle of my own world behind that wheel.....It was my fight and I did it.......