i have been seeing pdoc now for 5 whole years now. and today was the first time i cried. and not just a little sniffly cry, but an absolute bawl my eyes out cannot control myself type cry.

pdoc looked like he'd been hit by a train. i dont think he would ever have seen it coming (neither did i ).

but it was good, because he finally understood how much pain i was in, so we addressed the issue directly for a little bit. usually pdoc encourages me to ignore it, so it doesn't destabilise me, but i think he finally got that we need to give it full attention because it's already doing damage, and i can't control it by ignoring it anymore.

we didn't go very far, because i just shut down after my emotional outburst, but it was so nice for him to finally just get how much this has been doing my head in.

anyway. maybe it's just because i had a good cry, but im feeling heaps better now. i am going out tonight with the guy who started this whole trigger going, but i'm feeling good about that even, so wish me luck .