I'm sorry this is getting to you so much Ry. [bold] Please know that having to take medicine has no reflection upon who you really are. [/bold] I do know how it seems to be connected... I think it's because taking a medicine, or having to take more of one, makes us focus on the reality of why we have to take it. We don't wish to face reality. We want to be fine and not need medicine, right?

I hope this story helps some... my elderly mother has, for years, shown disdain for having to take so many vitamin pills. She's 85 now... I told her, she can take vitamins now or not... and if she doesn't and doesn't stay healthy, she can then take pills because she's ill... and they cost more too. She quit complaining.

You aren't complaining... but having a normal reaction for someone with disordered thinking (like most of us here on PC)...

I care about how you are, please don't shut this site out because you are down... that's what the depression forum is for... just for that! (((hugs)))