I hope it's okay to reply to an older thread. I wasn't reading PC when this was posted, but I happened to notice it now.

My T and I see each other sometimes because we live in the same general community and we know a lot of the same people. It's been a challenge for me to see her but at the same time, I like it. She always says "hi" to me, and will talk to me briefly. We used to attend the same lecture series, but it was too distracting for me. I concentrated on her instead of the lecture. Once there were no seats and she sat next to me. I felt like a deer caught in car headlights! We discussed my feelings at my next session.

I always want to "find" her when we attend the same social functions. It's like I have to attach to "Mommy" for a few minutes and then I'm okay. She told me she doesn't mind that I do that. About a year after the incident where she sat next to me, we had occasion to sit next to each other again, in a different environment. It was like night and day! I felt so comfortable and at ease. We shared something together that day, and it was more valuable to me than many of my sessions! I needed to feel that peace and security with her so I wouldn't be afraid of seeing her in public. I have the memories of that day to warm my heart, always.

The hard part is that I have to "pretend" not to know her very well when I'm with other people. It's bittersweet in a way. It's like teasing me, sometimes. I want more than small talk, but of course I can't have it in a public place. It wouldn't be fair to her, either. She has good boundaries, so we can never be friends, even though I am seeing her for therapy only occasionally now.

As far as knowing how she is outside of therapy vs in therapy, she's pretty much the same. She's always been open about herself, and therapy is in her house, so I know a lot about her anyway. She dresses much more casually outside of therapy, though. That has taken some getting used to. But I see her as a regular woman like me, which is good. I am still too much attached to her, but it's not to some "idealized person"--it's to her, faults and all.