Thank you all for reading. Wow that was alot to read through. I am actually excited about my appointment. I am ready to get some of the things off my chest that I wouldn't dare tell anyone else. I'm hoping he can shed some light on some of my emotions and behaviors.

Cutting alcohol COMPLETELY out of my life has made a huge difference. I turn into Satan's little spawn when I'm intoxicated.

I also have these strange thoughts ... unwanted ones. For instance ... one of the ladies that I clean for is the sweetest person I've ever met. We talk every time I'm there ... she gives me advice like my mother would. But sometimes when I'm feeling what I think may be manic (busy minded). While she's talking I will imagine/think about what would happen if I were to hit her in the face. Sounds absolutely ridiculous. But I think about it and it is almost an overwhelming urge to actually do it. She's JUST talking normal tone and my mind just wonders. I actually have to "shake it off" and get back into the conversation and it will eventually go away. Sometimes I can "hum" or "sing" those unwanted thoughts away. It's really strange and bothersome. I have told NO ONE about these. That's what I meant by I don't "think" I've had psychosis. What would that be exactly? ... they are disturbing.

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I really feel comfortable here.