This makes SOOOOOOOOOOO much sense to me. People like to pick me up (like, physically PICK ME UP so my feet aren't touching the floor). H loves to do it and thinks it is very playful. My oldest son, who is 12, is much bigger than me, and now he likes to do it. There are few things more triggering to me than being picked up. honestly, my fantasy is to be made of LEAD so I can be small and incredibly heavy at the same time. I took a klonopin tonight and even with that, my heart is racing just typing about this.

I've been thinking about doing a desensitizaion thing around it. I talked to H about it this morning. Like, maybe when I feel ready, I can TELL him to pick me up, but he has to put me down right when I say. And then if I can ever cope with THAT, he could ask me first, pick me up, and put me down when I say,etc,etc,etc, etc, until we get to the point where he can playfully pick me up without me completely losing my mind.

Kind of sounds like your plan. Of course, touch actually IS an issue that comes up a lot in everyday life, picking up, not so much (except apparently in my life). At least he has agreed to STOP doing it for now.

I used to have a really, really, really, really hard time with touch. Then I joined AA. OMG. THE HUGS! Those people are huggers. It was so hard and uncomfortable for me at first, but over time, it's become a positive thing. I can share really nice hugs with people and it feels comforting and connecting instead of scary. And obviously T and I have worked a LOT on touch - to the point where we can be in physical contact for most of a session and it just feels good and safe and connecting.

So, my point is, I do think the desensitization thing can work. You don't sound delusional to me at all!