I read about the Stockholm Syndrome.

I'm trying to understand myself. I'm trying to find my way. Why do I react in this way or that way. Why with all what happened and still do happen I can't hurt him. I want him to be safe while myself I am not safe. I know I am stupid. I'm trying and trying to understand.

I'm going to face him soon as he is back and I have to hold my ground this time. It's this fear that is inside me that I don't know how to handle. "The fear of hurting someone". This need inside me to protect his heart while mine is in pieces.

Stockholm Syndrome? Me? Maybe. I don't know where I stand. I don't understand myself. I keep on searching and searching but I come out with nothing.

Nobody have to reply to this post. I'm just thinking aloud.

Thank you!
nightdream