there's nothing wrong with being analytical and wanting things to be definitive. You are the only one who lives in your body - do you have some suspicions of how or why "normal" curiosity with peers advanced into something beyond what is considered normal (and please, i mean no judgment as i state this - just being descriptive)? If you discover the source, things may become clearer to you.
I'm just going to toss something out here and hope that it doesn't offend you:
some people, and maybe not you, but some intellectualize as a coping mechanism to avoid the emotions that are so hard to embrace. Would never blame you for that, it's just that it could impede you from achieving the truth you seek. I truly wish you a safe passage though this.
PS. I think you are phenomenally brave for sharing this. I had one incident that would fit in with what you described, and honestly, anonymous or not, i can write it, have never told a soul that it happend, doubt i ever will. I admire you.