Why is it obvious that you were bad and stupid? What other explanations can you think of?

I wouldn't have been punished if I hadn't done something wrong. As an adult now, of course, I know that the woman didn't have a good sense of proper discipline. She could have had me erase my answers and work with the rest of the class.

So if someone fails to protect you, that means you have no worth?

As a child, I think you autimatically assume that. As an adult, experience teaches you that some people have issues of their own and can't always be there for you.

How do you view authority figures today?

Sadly, I think I still view authority figures the same way.

Would this understanding change anything from your past if it was supplanted for the old belief that they are all mean?

It's always been a struggle to think logically about this. Experience hasn't been kind to me... or maybe my own reaction brings on the old belief. I'm not sure.

In what way is it your fault for your mother not living up to her statements?

It's not my fault at all! I was an innocent child.

So really, there was no profit from becoming silent?

My only profit was that at least I wasn't the focus of her problems.

It didn't change your mothers attitude, or improve your life in any way?

I'm not sure whether it changed my mother's attitude about me or not. Maybe she thought "Well, at least she's not having any more problems at school."

How might it have harmed it?

I developed my own childish, faulty defense mechanisms and tried to deal with my own problems without seeking any outside help.

If you put your grownup self back into the same situation you experienced as a child, what would you do differently?

Don't know whether to start with doing the paper wrong on later... As an adult, no doubt I would have listened better. As an adult, I wouldn't have allowed her to hit me and if she had, I would have gone to the principal and reported her.

Would there be a different outcome?

Yes. My mother wouldn't have dissapointed me.

How would you interpret the messages of your teachers, peers, mother?

My impression of my teachers would have been that they didn't know how to deal with children properly. My peers would have been meddlesome people and my mother may have been a good mother having taught me how to take care of myself.

Would you still blame yourself?

No.

Did you blame yourself?

Yes,

Were you primarily angry then, or sad?

Sad.

What other interpretations might be possible besides your child self and adult self understandings?

I don't think my interpretations would be different. There is no exuse for abuse although I didn't see it as abuse then. In my narrow vision, adults only recently have learned that a child needs as much respect as an adult.

Might others see different points and have different interpretations?

No doubt.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>