I hate to give up my habits. I don't feel like fighting it right now. It's been so long since I have "really" been involved. I just want to do it again. I know its not healthy. I know that my kidneys and heart and everything will be screwed up again. It feels like a risk I want to take. I left a VM for me T that something was up, but I didn't say what. I might write and leave him a note this next week. I don't know, I haven't decided yet. I just want to "enjoy" myself again. I've started.