Hi. I feel the need to state the obvious. I apologize if someone already said this and i missed it.

Keep in mind that I'm a nobody, no qualifications what so ever to give advice but this is something I've had good fortune in coping with in the past and i hope that my ideas might help.

Would you consider letting your lover read the post you wrote here on this site? Open communication in a relationship can be a huge help.

Its not being a nag to tell him how you feel. Your not denying him, or turning him down by talking about it. Your just getting things out in the open. in fact, open communication is a vital part of a healthy sex life.

My guess is that he will be far more understanding than you might immagine, and that many things you might assume he already knows, he doesn't. Men dont 'just get it' most of the time .

tips:
1. don't bring it up when he is in need and seeking release, choose a time that's somewhat relaxed(maybe during a meal?) to talk about it

2. start by expressing your understanding of his needs, and move into telling him why the situation makes you feel the way you do.

3. write down a list of feelings regarding the issue, and keep it with you, so that you wont forget what to say

for me the list included things like guilt, shame, and feeling like i wasn't much of a woman.