Hi sarah, this may be just me, but I think I'm seeing a connection between a couple of things you wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahbarah
I should be very happy right now...
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and:
Quote:
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Will i have the ability to keep my feelings in check and my mind positive?? Or am I doomed to live in a depression the rest of my life...
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I'm wondering if you might possibly be making yourself depressed (or more depressed) without realizing it, just by struggling to be happy when you think you
should be.
When I first noticed something of the sort going on with me, I started asking myself, "What does '
should' mean, anyway?" Surprisingly, I never managed to come up with a satisfactory answer.
My life has always been something like a roller coaster but I've noticed that the ride seems to get a lot rougher and the dips steeper if I'm trying to stop the train. Everything smooths out amazingly whenever I can just sit back and enjoy the ride. I'm happy when I'm happy, I'm depressed when I'm depressed, and (bonus!) if I'm willing to just be with either one without trying to change it, I get a much better shot at noticing what it might be about and (maybe even) what it might be trying to tell me.
You might not be ready right now to get what I'm saying or to try any part of it out but if you ever do, I'm wondering if it might work anything like that for you, too.
Good luck (just in case luck has anything to do with it)!
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I was educated once, and it took me years to get over it.
(Copyright by, and used by kind permission of, Ashleigh Brilliant)