Yesterday I went to my "live" support group. It was a good meeting and I was able to open up a little and interact with the other group members. After the meeting a girl who I will call "M" caught me in the hall to talk to me about my therapist because she thought I was doing so well and was hoping to find someone who could help her. Long story short she asked me to go to lunch with her and "T".

At lunch "M" asked me about BPD because she had been reading on it and wanted the thoughts of someone with the disorder. Well, "T" started going off about how ALL people with BPD are mean and malicious and horrid people. "M" stuck up for me by pointing to me and saying that I didn't seem mean or malicious. "T" just became more insistant because she has a friend who works a crisis line who says that is the way they are, making threats and playing people off one another. All I could think was how she was the one being mean and malicious. Then I realized she had no clue that I was borderline. I have never kept it a secret though I learned early on not to mention it when I give my weather. You know the routine "Hi, I am George, I am bi-polar II" I just leave it at "Hi I am Carrie" and then go on with my weather (moodstate) because when I say I am borderline people who don't know already ask what it is and I don't want that kind of attention. It makes me uncomfortable because it is a bi-polar support group that the facilitator let me join because there was no where else for me to go because everyone thinks that Borderline people are Mean and Malicious. As I listened to "T" saying all this to me I realized just how hurtful ignorance is. I have been working through it the last couple of days and am doing well with the concept but still need to share the hurt and disappointment.

On the bright side I like "M" quite a bit and am excited to see her next week. Who knows maybe I will even sit next to her and give her my phone number...well, maybe I will be able to say "Hi" and wave at her from across the room. We will see.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson