So, last Weds. night was the last time I took my celexa. I begged to see how I would be off of it for one week because I didn't really think it was helping. Finally my T, probably out of exhaustion said for one week I could go without but if at anytime I started to feel out of control
or whatever I had to notify her.
Well, I started hearing voices yesterday morning...been a few months since they were in my head. Not like thoughts that swirl around all the time. I actually hear a male voice in my head that just counts and says #s.
I really, really hate myself today too. And, I realized that the very addiction that is destroying my health and self esteem is my addiction to food. Maybe I eat to fill a void, maybe I eat so that no by being big no man will ever rape me again...not ever.
I still am fighting to say I don't need the celexa. I am not calling my T. I have to figure out how to deal with all this on my own.
I am actually thinking that the meds were holding me back from getting out some really important things that I have been repressing.
Now I know I have an issue with food and I need to figure out how to handle it before I weigh 1000 pounds.
Anyway....I am freaking out in my head and I don't want to call my T because I want to deal with all the things the meds made me not think about.
Now I wonder if I should even go back to see my T because I don't want to hinder how I feel or have some one not understand why I must run away.
I have to run away.
I have to get out of my skin.