I have been sick for the past week and a half. I saw T last Monday, but cancelled Thursday because I had not been able to sleep most of the week except an hour here and there, and I was so exhausted I wouldn't have been able to think or talk. Work was a challenge all week as it was not only because of being sick but because our computer system died the week before, leaving my people only 3 days to complete a week's worth of work. (They did it!! yay!)

I nearly cancelled tonight but miraculously feel okay this morning.

It feels like such a long time since I've seen T. Only a week, but I feel really disconnected, as if I could just stop going! That I could not see T again, not engage in therapy any more. That kind of scares me a bit, that I could lose the feeling so easily. It's like this connection is like many of my connections--only in the moment. I thought (hoped?!) that it was different, deeper, more meaningful. Yikes. It makes me think either I'm failing at the T connection or I just fail connecting in general. It makes me think I must be shallow intellectually and emotionally. Or maybe it's my holding back that affects all connections.

Well I'm thinking along these lines, so I guess I must be 'back'. lol