((((((((pooh)))))))))
i hear your pain.
i felt like you for many years. i still have no relationship with the mother other than a biological attachment.
something i have come to understand tho, is that she was also abused.
she was a very angry, hurt and damaged child and grew to be a very angry adult who had no clue how to be a mother.
she is a woman who was mentally ill and had no therapist or medication to help her only the words and "help" of a depressed and abused mother (my grandma).
i can accept that now. NOT that what she did was excusable---abuse never is----but i can understand where she was coming from--the adult me can.

that has helped me to put things in perspective. she is old now. sick and frail as is the father. and as i continue my journey of healing, i realize that i broke that cycle for my own sons. and i find i have more pity for mother than anger. pity that she has lost out on the wonderful relationships she could have had with her children--what she has is 3 children who have little contact with her (that includes me), 2 children that are enmeshed and one that has a "fantasy" view of how wonderful her childhood was. And mother lives also in that same world believing that we as a family, lived the "Waltons" life. Poor but so happy.

i will never have the mother i crave---and insiders crave----so i struggle with finding that nurturing inside. perhaps in time that will come.

sorry so long-----