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Originally Posted by Reina-Rena
Alright, this is going to be very difficult for me to ask help with. PLEASE WOMAN ONLY read this problem, I would very much appreciate it. I am a little shy when it comes to asking help with these types of issues so please bear with me...
OK, so it all started in elementry school (5th grade I think...9 or 10 years old I believe.) This problem came out of the blue last night when I was trying to get to sleep. I know that some little girls have this issue with 'touching' themselves down below. I was one of those girls, its embarrasing to say. I didnt even know what I was doing, I was just doing it because it was a feeling I never felt before and it felt good. But anyway, back to the original story...
I remember in 5th grade I had to sit next to this little boy who would make perverted jokes (I would laugh because I thought they were funny at the time.) Anyway, for some strange reason I feel like I wanted to touch myself in class! I dont remember how everything played out, it was such a long time ago (Im currently 16 years old.) I dont remember what I did in class, my guess is maybe I tried to touch myself but then I realized 'I shouldn't be doing this in class, and with a boy next to me!'
I have always been a little shy ever since I was young. So thats why Im guessing I didnt play this little 'touching' scene out in class. But I have this problem that when I cant remember something fully, my mind will make me believe that I played out the worse possible scenerio. I go crazy when I cant remember something-It causes me to get into a deep depression and causes me unwanted stress. I will sit around for days trying to remember everything that happend! If there is someone here who has any advice and would like to share their similar stories I would very much appreciate your help.
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You know, even not dealing with the sex side of things, it is often frustrating for me to realize just how much of my childhood I've lost or do not remember correctly.... how many lies I was made to believe that distorted how I remembered things. It finally got to the point, where I had to restructure my memory so much, that I just had to stop remembering. Elizabeth Loftus will be a good read - I don't agree with everything she says, but the studies she's performed on memory are highly intriguing. It seems the more emotionally charged and event is, the easier it is for our memory to fog over details. Also, our memory is highly suggestible. Beyond this there is always more than one way of viewing the way an event happened. Twenty people could witness one event and describe it in twenty different ways. It may not be healthy all the time, but in general, I try not to look back. I focus on the here and now and what I can do with it. I guess you could call that acceptance? I know who I am and what is happening right now - but my memory isn't always the best and I can't predict the future, so I try not to concern myself with those things. I can't judge the current me based on past experiences, nor can I know who I will be ten years from now. All I can do is be the best me I am now.
Kind of long... I hope that makes sense... Good luck!
