I have to vent about this, I"m sorry, I just need to

I usually like me, except for my looks, yes it's superfical but I am shy and if a man compliments me or tells me I am pretty I automatically think he is just being kind or is trying to lull me into a false sense of security so he can use me.

I think part of the reason I am so insecure in myself is well my mom, everything I turn around she is telling me I need to loose weight, that my clothes don't' look right on me, that everything I wear is unflattering, and no she is not trying to be helpful because I will turn around and ask my friends for the truth, and they say they don't' understand why she is hateful to me like that I look fine.

Yes I"m a bigger gal, it's the way I"m built, yes I could stand to loose a few pounds, but if I loose weight I want to do for my health not for superficial reasons, I want to loose weight so I can be more flexible in yoga, so when I go hiking I don't tire out as easily, I"m a very active person.

I get tired of being told by my mom I"m not good enough, that everything I do is wrong, it takes a blow at my self esteem when that is all I hear day in and day out...

I wish I knew how to block her out, make all the nagging comments leave my mind every time I look in the mirror...