I have a similar problem. I can't say what I want very easily to my wife. Why? When I was a kid, raised by my mom (just us 2) - I heard all the time "you wouldn't want to do that", "why would someone do that?" and so on. Basically - "why would you want to live like other humans??"

That turned into whenever I wanted to do something I wanted - I had to lie about doing something more "her way". I don't get the negative questions from my wife nearly as much as my mom - but I have had to work on this for a long time (with and without therapy). It's that I never felt strong enough to say "I am worth this ... and I want to do it."

I did find one helpful thing. If I sit down on a couch net to my wife (or talk on the phone) - I'll close my eyes and I am free to talk. I hold back in face to face talking but when I have my eyes closed, there is an opening up. Like my soul is free to "be me". I feel like to be a free and complete person, you and I have to be able to do that with "eyes open" and know that there won't be a negative feedback from our partner. If he is there saying he wants to help you - then he won't have trouble with the "real you" and you can convince yourself that you can be free with him.

I hurt myself quite a bit by holding back. My wife complains that "you don't talk to me enough" - there are times when I know this is true. But those tend to be the times that I need to tell her I need to do something or want to do something of my own. It goes away the moment I speak to her about that something. It can be a simple and silly as "I want to go to this concert" or "spend time with a friend - play golf, whatever". But those were things I got stuck with as a kid with mom - and they continue today.

Work with a therapist, if you can, to try to work this out. That way, you can follow a professional's steps to work on it. However, the issue with me is the therapist has been helping me for quite a long time - and yet I still have the block to some degree. I don't think the pains of youth go away - you just control them better.