The 29th is when I got the call. 31st is when he died. He’d be eight this year.
I showed some people on this site a couple of pictures of him. He was such an amazing kid. I wrote this and I'm posting it today because some stuff happened that reminded me that the world isn’t full of good people so I have to hang on to the ones who are good and I wish I could have hung on tighter so he couldn’t have been ripped away from me. I don't often talk about grief. I don't want it to hit me like a train on the anniversary.


You can’t read this Vlad but I’m going to write it anyways.

The NHL playoffs are on, neither of our teams are still in it, but it’s not very fun watching them without you anyways. I’m sorry I never got to take you to that game I promised. I still have that picture of you in your Leafs jersey on the mantle at home. I never take your stickers off my crutches and wheelchair either. They look better with your decorations.

You were such an amazing kid. You were such an inspiration to me, and you still are. Remember that one right when you were crying because you said you were bad and I told you that can’t be true because you were the world to Kate and I? I meant that with all of my heart.

I’m sorry you’ll never get to teach Torin and Evan how to play hockey and baseball with me. I’ll teach them all about you. You’ll always be my MVP Vlad.

Thank you for calling me daddy. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better father. I keep the picture you drew me for Father’s Day- yes, I got it, your teacher delivered it to me. It made me cry happy tears when I got it. I’m glad you thought I was the best father ever. Thank you that you loved me just the way I was. Wheelchair and scars and all. Thank you for saying when you grew up you wanted to be just like me because you thought I was so strong.

I haven’t had a drink or anything since last year. I wanted to tell you that. I know you never understood why I got ill so often and why Kate always worried but when you were older I wanted to tell you how you inspired me to quit. Now I’ve quit and you’re still inspiring me but you’re not here for me to tell you.

I wish I could have been your father for longer. I remember when you told me you wanted me to be your daddy but you said you weren’t a very good son. That wasn’t true Vlad. You were an amazing son.

I hope when you passed away you remembered how much I love you. I hope so much you never forgot that. You were never alone in that hospital room. Daddy and mummy and both your little brothers were standing right there with you even if the doctors wouldn’t let us in.

You were too young and good to die. I’m sorry Vlad. I wish I could change time and you could still be here. I wish I could have done something differently. I wish I could have spent every second of every day with you.

You’ll always mean so much to me. I don’t know what happens after death. But, see, it’s not really important, Vlad, because you will always live on forever in my memories and in my heart.

Thank you for letting me be your dad. Thank you for being my son.