I've already used every title that would fit! I had a good run of not bursting into tears at every turn. It's over apparently. Today I walked around Meijers (like Walmart) with tears streaming down my face. I wanted to just crumple on the floor in tears. I felt so sad. I hurt--my feet, my legs, my hands. I don't want to be this weight. I MISS ME!! The me that was thin, the me that could move without pain, the me that was happy, the me that had love, the me that could fix things, the me that made people happy. I just felt sad and like I wanted to be invisible. I thought I was doing better. I went so long without feeling like this. Walking down the isles one of the thing I was thinkin was I hate that I've put on so much weight, but what did I want then?? Food. Comfort. Food=Comfort, comfort=food. It's a stupid cycle. And I wanted to walk without pain, without foot-drop, without almost falling. I wanted to be one of the people walking along holding hands, stopping to get a kiss. Yes, I was jealous and feeling self-pity. I have people I need to be strong for, people that count on me and look up to me. I am so very lucky, I know. I am blessed and loved. I just was having a moment I guess. I'm fine. Deep breaths and calming thoughts. Maybe I'll visit the lagoon or my fuzzy world. I just needed to write this out I guess. I'm sorry.