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I don't understand it...?
We were born. They say they wanted us. We're why they got married. But they left. And then they'd come back only they'd forget to stop leaving.
Why weren't we good enough for the momma and the daddy to stay and not ignore us. Why did the momma not care about us. She gave us hugs and make us dinner, but she leave us alone by ourselves when we was little. We woke up and no one was there. The momma left us and we was to small to reach the phone. We was only two. Why weren't we good enough for momma to take us with her.
When we was littler, we was less than two. Momma wasn't watching...she wasn't paying no attention. She in the house, left us in the backyard alone. The big doggy bit our face off. Had to go to hospital. They tied us down. I couldn't move. Why weren't we good enough to watch when we was little?
And when the killer broke out of jail, the police man said to lock doors and windows and stay inside. We were three. Police men walking through our yards with guns. Walking on our fences looking for bad men. Momma left us alone in the house to go visit the neighbors. We was by ourselves and we was scared.
We grows up older, 4..5..6..7..8..No baths at night time. Only shower once a week. Momma didn't care we wore same panties all week. Daddy told us we smelled and wouldn't hold us or let us near him. Daddy didn't care if we took bath neither, just make us feels bad. Only cared if we go out with him then supposed to be clean as clean...make him look good. Kids at school ran away..called us names, pulled our hair. They spit on us and hit us and pushed us on the ground over and over again. They laughed at our voice. No friends. Why weren't we good enough to have friends?
Some peoples new daddy was mean, specially momma. Momma watched, never said no. No one said no. My families ignore me. Daddy says I handful and cause problems. Brother left too. Ran away. Went to live with girlfriends family and didn't take me with him. Why wasn't I good enough for family to see me. Why weren't we good enough for brother to save us? Why didn't we deserve to be saved?
Climbed out window and walked a mile to the gas station. Would have been dead if daddy found out. Had a quarter for the phone. Called the lady at the childrens and family office. Told her I wanted to be put up for adoption. Said she was a social worker. Asked for help for adoption. She laughed and hung up. No help. Nobodies coming to help. Why weren't we good enough for the peoples to help?
Daddy's friend got drunks. He alcoholic. Played footsies with momma under the table at dinners. Momma didn't say nothin. Daddy kept pouring the drinks. In my jammies on the couch. Uncle Ken said come sit with him and watch TV. Daddy watchin tv too. Uncle Ken hurt us. Made us touch secret places in front of daddy. Touched our secrets too. Didn't like it...scared...yucky man secrets. Tried to leave. Daddy sent us to our room and told us to take Uncle Ken. Daddy made us go alone with yucky drunk man. Drunk man alone in room push us against wall and puts yucky, drunk tongue in my mouth. Says he loves me. I push him and he almost fall down. Momma opens door and comes in. Says dessert ready. Knows somethings wrong. Can tell on her face. She leaves...walks out...closes the door behind her. Don't member after that. Why weren't we good enough for momma daddy to save us? Daddy, momma new yucky, drunk man hurt his own little girl. Still let him come around.
Daddy tried to strangle me. Momma watched. Left marks on my neck. Hit me lots. Momma yelled and pulled at daddy. Daddy pushed her. Tried to call police. Daddy ripped phone out of wall. Locked myself in daddy's room. Afraid he break the door down. Called police from daddy's room. Cried real bad. Got real quiet. Thought momma dead. Police came. Cried more. Begged em to take me away. Begged em to take daddy away. Police look at my neck and say "just minor redness." Daddy says was just disciplining me cause I got made him mad. Police say daddy can discipline all he wants. He the daddy. Help came...help left...without us. Why weren't we good enough for help to help?
Now we's grown up. Still not good enough for momma and daddy. Momma and daddy still leavin. Never good enough. Talk to much about the bad times. Daddy says didn't happen. Momma still ignoring me.
Goin to T. Tried to be good...get better...not working. Why aren't we good enough to get better?
Everybody leaves us. Hate me, hurt me, love me, leave. That is life. This is life.
Too much more hurts to go on with. Can't stop thinking bout all the hurts. Can hear words in our head. Can see pictures in our head. Can hear laughing. Laughing at us. All the hurts are laughing at us.
Why weren't we good enough?
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