dear white_iris,

i am so sorry for your losses. even when you know that what you are doing the wisest thing, the price in tears and pain is very very high. i think the loneliness is the hardest thing to bear in being DID and a survivor. i have almost always been a loner because it was forced upon me and my social skills were hampered growing up by the insane and horrid way we lived in abuse.

every friendship i tried and lost has been another little death in my life and at 55 i have one online friendship with another survivor, two daughters who love me and beyond that i walk alone. if i did not have a relationship with God i do not think i could bear the loneliness of my life.

i've had some sick friendships and i've allowed some people to suck me into their mind-games or toxic set ups and i strongly seek to avoid doing that to myself and to my pixies (i strongly object to any of my pixies doing that to me either). i will not trade my soul or my dignity for any more imitations.

as painful as your life is for now, i applaud you for taking steps to stop an unhealthy situation. perhaps you can seek more support online here and with anyone healthy you know while you get used to the changes that come with stopping your former "friendship".

sending you warm hugs if you want them

Leslie and her pixies