(((((everyone))))).

ktgirl - your analogy makes a lot of sense. thank you for sharing . it is just... scary and confronting that i was drinking salt water, so to speak, at such a young age. i know that sexual acting out can be something kids do if they are being hurt, but i always thought it was mainly for teens, or maybe slightly younger kids. i feel abnormal for starting so young.

chaotic - thank you for replying. your comment intrigues me - "i want to feel normal". could you explain a bit, do you think? you don't have to, of course. for me, it's because i wanted to feel special. i used to tell the people i solicited that i would do x,y,z if they would be my special friend. i guess i am lucky they didnt get angry with me.

tree - . how do you deal with that fear? have you spoken to T about it? could you ask your T on my behalf ? god bless my pdoc, because i love him dearly, but i think i was absolutely freak him out if i ever said something along those lines. he is an awesome man, but he was trained as a medical dr, not a psychotherapist, and i think would just drown in any sort of transference issue i threw at him.

pachy - ((((hugs back at you)))). thank you for taking the time to read and send me hugs.

muffy - oh my goodness, i must've been typing for over an hour, because your post just showed up after i hit reply, but it was made way earlier than mine. i like the idea of putting up a sign on my computer. i would put all of your faces around it too (ahah, your faces = avatars) and so remember i have pc-friends who think i'm something special. that does make a world of difference. thank you .