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(JD) · May 12, 2009, 08:44 AM

((((ELYSIUM))))) This has nothing to do with you being good enough or not. Once again, this is about the other people not being good enough to be parents. This is about their own limitations and perhaps even their own mental illnesses.

You have been through so much! But you have gone through it, and now it's in the past. You say they still come and leave...but now you can control that. I know that it's natural to love your parents. As adults we love them because of a natural bond perhaps. But for you and others, you also want to love them into becoming the parents they should have been in the past. You want to recapture what you didn't get, what you feel you still need.

Talking with a therapist or other knowledgeable people will help you come to grips about your parents. It's really hard to realize that while they might have loved you (you said they did marry because ... and that they kept coming back...) they didn't know how or what that involved, did they? Now you can realize that the abuse you suffered was all abou them, and their bad actions and terrible inaction. They would have done this with any child they had. It wasn't because of you.

Every human has an innate worth. They didn't take your worth away, but they did damage your ability to find it within yourself. You can though. It might take admitting that your parents weren't good, regardless of how hard they tried. They didn't get help to find out how to raise you right, to show you real love. You, as an adult can do that for yourself now. You can seek help to realize you have worth, that you are worthwhile and worth taking the time to know that you aren't your parents' idea of a child. You are so much more!