My Support Forums - View Single Post - Problems with Talking to the Opposite Sex

Reina-Rena · May 12, 2009, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

can you give a better description, overall... this relationship with your boyfriend? Why doesnt he like the idea of you talking to ther guys?

My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. We have trusted one another for three years. We just recently met for the first time back in Febuary of this year...When he left, it seemed like my OCD symptoms got worse, along with depression. We are both the jelouse type...Although, I think this 'Jelousy' issue has decreased over the years. The truth is...When I was around the ages of 11 or 12, I started to grow up-mentally. I changed the type of person I was-I was maturing, I wanted to forget about all the childish actions I did in the past and become a new and better person. These childish actions involve having little boyfriends here and there (Not actual 'real' boyfriends, I wasn't even considered a teenager yet! I consider them more of like a crush.) At that age, there is going to be perverted curiousity-nothing serious (just talking, kissing and such- which is normal at that age, right?) Anyway, as I was trying to grow and become a better person-this man that I stated in my previous post-touched me very inapproprietly-traumatizing me at a young age (13, which was the age I started going out with my boyfriend.) I wasn't completely honest with my boyfriend when we first started going out-I told him that I had never had a boyfriend and that I had never been kissed-because I wanted to forget about all the childish things I did and become a more mature person. (I wanted to re-start my life a-new.) Just recently I realized that is was wrong of me to lie to my boyfriend and say that he was my 'First' boyfriend and that I had never been kissed, when I had. (Although, I consider him my first real relationship, the other ones were just dumb, middle-school crushes!) I didn't want to look back in the past, I wanted to look ahead-so I lied so he would like me! My boyfriend knew about the man that molested me, even before we went out. I just recently told him about the past 'crushes', hoping that he would understand-seeing as it was so hard for me to tell him (I hate going back in the past, it causes me so much pain!) I was wrong, he didn't understand...He was mad and sad about the lies I had told him (which I understand...Lies hurt.) He told me "Im not going to blame you because you used to be a little w****." When he said this, it caused me so much pain-it was one of the most painful moments in my life. I couldn't take it anymore, with this stress ontop of my arrising mental issues-I was sent to the hospital. When my boyfriend and I first started our relationship, he used to watch porn (which I hated so much because of what happend to me!) I felt as though he was slapping it in my face-saying I wasn't good enough for him-so I used to yell at him and call him names...Him watching that stuff hurt me so much because I was molested. Now I feel like him calling me names is fair, since I used to call him names in the past...Since I promised him that I wouldn't self harm myself-I feel like his name calling and comments are my punishment...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

Have you ever tried therapy to get over your traumatic past? accordng to what you say - you havent gotten over it yet. i know that time does it, but sometimes we need help with it (well, with traumatic stuff - almost most of the time)

When I was molested, I didn't get theropy. Being so young I wanted to forget, and tried pushing it under the carpet. Now I see that I should have gotten therapy. The older I get, the more it effects me. I currently have a theropist and a psychiatrist because of my OCD and depression.

Im sorry this got so long...I just let my feeling flow out as I was typing. Thank you all so much for you wonderful help and advice! I really appreciate it!