Hi Cusack,

Do you mind if I summarize what you have told me in chat, email, and pm a little in order to clarify what you are saying? It is still difficult for people to know what you mean, although I am very impressed with how well you have learned English on your own. It must be frustrating when people don't quite understand though.

Correct me if I get this wrong, ok? What you have told me is that you are in China, and you live with your parents. Your parents sound like they are verbally abusive. They insult you and put you down, sometimes for their own amusement? That must hurt. I would not want to be treated like that. And with your culture, it must be difficult to get help or to have someone believe you, since honoring your parents is so important in the Oriantal cultures. Unfortunately, I have also gotten the idea that honoring your children is not stressed so much. Respect seems to go mostly from the younger to the older, or from one of lower status to one of higher status, but not so much the other way around. I feel that honorable people respect everyone, no matter what their status is. Do you think that is a Western value? Believe me, there are still plenty of people here who just don't really respect anybody, so we definitely have our own problems.

The way I understand it, what you want is to be able to move out of your parents' home and get your own apartment, where you can work on your English a bit more and develop that as a skill that could bring you more independence. Is that right? And in order to do that, you are in need of $200 for rent.

Tell me, if you earn money, are you allowed to keep it yourself, or would it belong to your parents or your family? I am wondering if there is some way for you to work for that money or save up so that you can reach your goal. I know that there is much poverty among the Chinese people, but you have a computer and access to the internet, so you must have some pretty good resources.

How can we help you here so that you can have the confidence to earn the money you need and win your independence? I can't give you the money because I don't have any more than I need to take care of my family. Even if I did have it, I'm not sure that having someone give it to you without earning it yourself would be the best thing for you. I think that it would mean more and give you more confidence in yourself and independence if you worked for the money.

I wish you well, Cusack, and I hope that you are able to make the kind of life for yourself that you desire.