Today we talked more about understanding emotions, and about Opposite to Emotion.

I don't post specifics from chat, but this chat reminded me of some examples from my own life, so I'll use those.

Does anyone here subscribe to Flylady? She's great, and you can find her at flylady.net - anyway, back in 2003, Flylady's theme for the year was "Be kind to me in 2003." I had been following her program at the time, and I could not handle that theme at all, and stopped reading Flylady because of that trigger. She was suggesting tasks that involved self-care and pampering your body. I couldn't deal with it.

If I had known then about DBT skills, and what we have just been learning, I would recognize that I had strong feelings about that because I was afraid of being out of control if I didn't maintain strict discipline with my body (pampering was definitely out - I was restricting eating and also self-injuring in order to maintain control, and was afraid to let go of that). Another emotion involved is shame. I felt worth less than anybody else and undeserving of better treatment.

Opposite to Emotion means not letting the feelings be in control. If you are afraid, you need to face what you are afraid of. If you are ashamed, and not doing something wrong, then do it anyway. Baby steps are always acceptable. So the approach would be to take steps towards doing the self-care even if afraid and ashamed. Note, you don't have to do anything overwhelming. Just little things to start with. You decide what you can do.

I'm also practicing Opposite to Emotion right now by posting this. I almost deleted my personal example from this post because of fear and shame. But I will post it anyway. And then go eat some chocolate and make some warm herb tea. Even if I have to fight through fear and shame to do it.