You sound frustrated and want advice, yet you don't feel comfortable being more specific. That makes it really tough to give a helpful reply. I'm not sure what you're alluding to. But I did want to comment on one question you asked.

Is seeking out truthful, factual information that I know will make me feel very hurt a form of self-abuse? It's just truth, even though it really, really hurts.

Whether it is self-abusive depends in large part on the reason why you are seeking out the information (your motive for doing so).