Sorry for for not posting sooner but there was an extenuating circumstance.

no probs - never worry about that

Geez you have been through a lot _ I hope you are still emailing your sis and that she is getting some help - seeing aT about what happened to her.

I've missed five funerals because I was too scared to go. I convinced myself that I was so insignificant that they wouldn't really notice anyway. I shouldn't feel guilty because it wasn't my fault, but I still do. And then there was that one funeral that I didn't even know about, because I couldn't stay friends with a true friend. Sometimes life just sucks.

I went through this with my T yesterday - she said it was not selfish to ake care of ourselves first - she reminded me or somthing I tell my mpatients families - that if they dont make sure they are ok they will not be able to give to their families or others - you did what was right for you and there is no shame or blame in that - and your friend - its never too late to try to get in touch - why not give it a go.

I used to think that little boy was dead. I blanked out my childhood. Every time I tried to remember I'd get that cold empty aching pain in stomach like hearing a friend had died. So I stopped remembering, it hurt too much.
As it turned out he wasn't dead at all, just misplaced, disconnected, like a broken wire, or a little broken line of computer code, access denied.

Geez I could have written this.......the only thing i remember of my childhood is deciding that if i couldnt remember anything good I wouldnt remember anything ... and I dont... small snippets came back - but they are like tiny silver fish in the deep deep ocean - as I reach for them they disappear into the darkness....

she was a happy smiling girl - laughing singing - the replacemtn was quiet and invisible .......

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just press a reset button and reboot our broken emotions.

yes or as I switch off my computer it says shutting down and it does - that would be good too - just to be able to switch off....

Be patient Phoenix
it takes time