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Before I continue with my story, I would like to state that I have been diagnosed with OCD. My mind sometimes makes me believe that I have done things that I have not. When I cannot remember something, my mind automatically makes me assume that I played out the worst possible scenerio. Im sorry if this gets a little long...
So, one day I was coming home from school-riding on the bus. There is this boy that also rides the bus and ever since I have known him, he has always gotten on my nerves. Me being me, I try to be kind to him, despite his perversion and rudeness. I have continually tried to be kind to him for about 2 years or more now. He has had a crush on me for a while now, but I already have a boyfriend and even if I didn't, I would never go out with this boy. Anyway, on the bus this boy asked me some kind of feminine question or something...(My mind is a little foggy...I can't remember exactly how this played out. But as I said earlier, when I can't remember something my mind automatically makes me assume that I played out the worse-case scenerio.) The conversation had something to do with tampons. I honestly don't mind if a boy ask me a feminine question; as long as he takes it in a mature manner. (I should have known better than to get my hopes up with this boy though...I should have known that he would take it pervertedly.) I told him that "Some girls think that tampons are uncomfortable, so they wear pads. When I first tried to use a tampon-even a small one, I cried because it was painful for me." After I told him this, he starts to make perverted comments about my statement. Im not going to state what he said, but you could probley guess (stupid, stupid perverted boy!) Anyway, where I have OCD my mind is trying to make me believe that I was telling this boy feminine things because I was trying to be flirtatious or something. My mind says things like "You probley just told him that so he can think such and such about your body (feminine areas...)."or "You were probley trying to flirt with him and see his reaction." Can someone please lend me some advice? I would really appreciate it. Please help me deal with these stressful, unwanted thoughts-making me believe that I have done things that I have not.
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Dash out, dash out
From your far too sad destiny
You’re not the flower of hell
At such a place
Don’t bloom, don’t bloom
You mustn’t get caught
The pieces of time flutter about ...
-When The Higurashi Cry
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