Wifey, the only thing you have to fear is yourself. If you would do those things to help yourself, your life could get so much better than it is now. You are a good person angel, but you need to learn to be responsible for your life the way it is now. That means, getting clean and sober, and most of all, GETTING TO THE DOCTOR! I know it's not easy hun, but one reason it's not is because you are holding onto this pain you are stuck in, and it's eating you alive. You are the only one who can change this. You CAN change. Let go of the ghosts of the past, and take that first step into YOUR new world. It can be whatever you make it. It can be good. And it can be free of the pain you feel now. But only YOU can make it that. I know you can do it hun. Be strong, I know you are. I love ya.