Could it be that you're not so much afraid of something, as eager to get on with it, find out what there is to deal with and how it goes?

Maybe you did make some mistakes with those jobs, too -- but could it also be that you just found yourself in a crazy work situation where no one could be expected to thrive? Maybe you need to learn, not so much how to get along in an unsuitable situation, as how to find a suitable one.

I'm mostly a freelancer myself so I haven't had much exposure to office politics, pecking orders and stuff in a long time. The last "job" I had (part-time, alongside my freelancing) lasted for over 20 years. My boss was one of the two best I've ever had, and apparently my skill set and attitude exactly matched what she needed. At one point an "office bully" emerged among the staff and began complaining about me (among others). I'm told that our boss quietly informed her that she couldn't run the place without me so if there wasn't room there for both of us, I was the one she was keeping. There turned out to be room for both of us after all . I didn't leave till 6 months after she sold the business to someone else.

I didn't find this job by the usual routes -- want ads, resumes, stuff like that. I'd been doing volunteer work where her brother and sister also volunteered, her brother knew me and pointed me out to her sister, her sister hired me, then left and passed the manager job to her.

All this is by way of saying that I seem to do much better in work situations where the management knows me personally, is up to making good use of me, looks out for me at their end of the shop, and lets me look out for them at mine. Do you suppose something like that might be what you need, too?

Anyway, best of luck to you! A kind and gracious lady like you should have a work situation to match.