i have spoken about this with my pdoc... sometimes... in a very round about way... LOL - so much so that he won't understand what i'm talking about.

BUT. i have had his reassurance that he isn't retiring any time soon, that he will stay with me until then (oh GOOD. another 20 years, haha).

and - he has told me that if i were to die, he would not cope either. of course, he would get over it eventually because he has to, but his point was that i've touched him just as much as he's touched me. he has told me when some of his previous clients have passed, and how he has coped (or not coped, as the case may be), and it is important to me, in a twisted sort of way, that someone like me could have so much of an impact on him.

so i feel a little safer now. almost like, you have just as much to lose from me leaving as i have to lose from you. i know it is not equal, but it is close enough for me to feel just a tiny bit safer.