Hi Sunrise,
I'm sorry your T session made you feel so badly.
I have heard of LI and I know someone who used it and found it very helpful.
You said:
Quote:
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My first feeling is to want to leave therapy. If he doesn't want me there, I don't want to be there either.
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I think it's good to recognize this feeling, but also to recognize the possibility that you are assuming he doesn't want you there.
From everything you've writeen about your T, he sounds like he cares very much about you and has enjoyed working with you. I really don't believe he doesn't want you there.
Sometimes when we've been hurt in the past, our first instinct is to 'run away' at the smallest indication that someone may be rejecting us.
I really don't think this is the case for your T.
You also said:
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If I try to look at this unemotionally and rationally, I could see that LI might be interesting to try. It encompasses elements of ego state therapy, which I have loved. And I have often wanted to work on my teen-early adult years but felt that T didn't want to. I could perhaps use LI to work on this era, if he would let me
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To me, this sounds like you do have an open-ness to trying LI, and I think that is a good thing. He said he didn't know if you could combine LI with regular talk therapy - he needs to find this out. You need to have all the information before you decide what YOU want to do. Don't forget, this is YOUR therapy and YOU are in control of what you want your therapy to be.
I want to say, I heard and want to validate your fear that he is trying to push you away. I would probably feel the same.
I really think you should be honest with your T about all of this - your confusion, your hurt, your fears, and your thoughts.
I know it won't be easy, but you have too many questions to be able to handle this on your own.
Look at all the questions you asked:
Quote:
Is this the kind of thing I am supposed to discuss with him? 
Or should I just chase those threatened and pushed away feelings into a corner of my brain and not acknowledge them?
When you know an unsettling thought or feeling is perhaps not "justified", should you just ignore it? I don't do CBT--a highly regarded form of therapy--but isn't that what CBT is?
Willfully ignoring thoughts and feelings you think may be irrational?
Is this what he is trying to tell me? "Let's get with the program, Sunny, finish your trauma work, so you can get the hell out of my office."
Is he seeing our sessions as not sufficiently productive or therapeutic?
Does he think I am dependent on him? Am I?
Does he see me as some leech who sucks on his blood to survive? Am I?
Is he trying to push me out the door?
Is he uncomfortable with our relationship?
Does he see it as pointless and he wishes we had never developed it?
For me, the relationship has been a key part of healing, and if T doesn't want the relationship anymore, why continue?
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It sounds like you really aren't sure what he was thinking or what he intended by taking this new turn in therapy. Most of your questions can only be answered by T.
They are
good and
valid questions, and you
deserve answers for them.
Take care, dearest Sunny......