so sorry you feel so alone, (((pb))) but we're here for you. keep posting about what you are comfortable discussing....and like berries said crying often times will release some of the anguish. hugs....  posting will too. u are not alone here, we care. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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