My Support Forums - View Single Post - Friend making inappropriate advances to my wife

eskielover · May 13, 2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelionkinglives

Not sure, my reaction was the best but it was instinctual. While I'm not jealous of him remotely because 1. I trust my wife, 2. physically he has nothing to offer over me....all he has is money but he's so missing the boat if he thinks that is relevant here. My response was because I was insulted by the fact that he was doing this right in front of me & thinking I was too stupid to figure it out.

I waited for my wife to get all the merchandise on...to try it out....Then i took her in the bathroom, leaving them in the other room & had sex with my wife right there & made sure to...ummm...leave my DNA on the Bears Jersey...walked out of the bathroom & tossed it to him...he of course freaked out & dropped it....after about 20 seconds of awkward silence...I made a joke saying "that's the only thing that a Bears jersey is good for. Everyone started laughing...even his wife! He laughed a few seconds later.

I think you stated it exactly like it was.....definitely not your best reaction....you realized that.....you even stated here that it was purely instinctual.....& even though you said it wasn't jealousy (which I believe because of the known close relationship you & your wife have after having a rough time & working on it)....when we are insulted like you admittedly said you were, it is very easy to get caught into a reaction that really isn't your best choice (which you also admitted). Sometimes we get caught up in a knee jerk reaction when emotions like being insulted, anger, any of the stronger emotions if we aren't careful will come out in reactions that we later look back as at being "not the best choice".

I must admit however....you said that not only they but their kids (along with your kids) were at the house.....not sure that reaction is one I would want my kids to pick up on.....my point being.....when we are in the middle of strong emotions, we don't think through the situation as well as we really should or even as maturely as we really should.....as parents, we know we need to set good examples of out reactions.....but there are times when we loose it.

I think as you said the fact that he did it right in front of you (after other things previously had happened) was enough to blank the mind of the rational thought we really need to have.....but there are just some things where we loose it & if those are the instincts we have going on .....then we are twice as likely to not choose the best reaction.

We always end up having to have hind site on situations like this...especially when they end up escalating like we hoped whey wouldn't....it's just part of the learning process of life & when we do, we can see the whole picture....not just the instincts that had taken over that caused the knee jerk reaction. I'm kinda guessing that the whole scene wouldn't have been so funny if any of the kids had shown up during that scenario.

When we put the whole picture together & see it through logical, rational eyes released from the insult of the moment.....that is when we can check ourselves & really determine that ....NO, that wasn't the best reaction.....probably more like close to the worst given all the other possibilities that could have happened that luckily didn't. We live & we learn.....so that if there is a next time (which hopefully we learn how to stop before ever escalating to this point)...a better choice can be made because we have already experienced a similar situation & know what didn't work. The laughter is not alway a sign that something is funny, sometimes, it is a release of of adrenalin in a stressful situation......& think in this case...it might be the latter. In any case....after having gone through this situation, there are lots of things that have been learned & lot of things that wouldn't end up happening again.....with experience, comes wisdom.

Input from how others see a situation is always insiteful....I have found throughout my life, that providing that insite in ways that doesn't provide a feeling of attack is much better. The feeling of attack creates an instinct defensive reaction rather than the normal listening reaction the person normally has. This comment is based on many years of observation & personal experience.

Just a thought that might help in the opinion giving side of posting like this in the future. We all live & learn from our experiences....All of our experiences in relating with others.

Just a thought from
Eskie