I'll try to keep it short. My bf and I have been together almost a year and a half. We live together, not kids by any means. We have both been married and divorced. He has been divorced 15 yrs. and not in many long term relationships...the longest other than me was 2 yrs. He does have a BP diagnosis, but I don't want that to be an excuse for everything. We are in couples counseling and he is on meds for it. Anyway, I do think many of our problems stemmed from the BP, but I don't believe he was properly medicated, he is on new meds now. The thing is about 2 mos ago I found him on a website looking to have an affair. I ended up leaving for a couple of days, he was angry at me, you'd think I did something wrong. Anyway, he reassured me he never met anyone and he did go off the site. We have a great relationship for the most part, but when it comes to physical relationship, he doesn't seem to want me much. The thing is, we do get along, unless I bring up his lack of interest in me and, I'm sorry but, that's a big part of a relationship. Yes, we are working on it in therapy, but we just started and can't get to everything in one session. He has lied to me about having lunch with female friends, he says it's because I'm jealous. That is far from the truth. He has more female friends than male, says it's easier to talk to women than men. He does have men friends, but not as many. If I were jealous, I would have a problem with all his female friends, which I dont. Yes, I got upset, but it wasn't because of lunch, it was because of the lie. I am trying so hard to put the website and lies behind me, but when he doesn't "desire" me my mind wanders. I truly trusted him, 100% before I found this out. The thing is how do I put this behhind me and trust him again? He makes it sound as though it's so easy. I do not bring it up to him on a daily basis, but when it's been a while since we've been intimate, my mind begins to wander. Our therapist says this is normal for me to feel this way, yet my bf wants me over it faster than I can right now. He is going on a business trip next week and I'm having a difficult time thinking something won't happen. I'm really looking for advice on how to move on from my fears.