It is so good to hear you are feeling better.

I will share 2 things with you that help me.
Both are from my T, with whom I share my thoughts and fears including when I feel like I've wasted a session or it was wasted in some way and that is that a session is never a waste. Just showing up is meaningful and at times very hard to do. Even if one sat in silence the whole session, being there and allowing that silence would say something.

And the other thing is something my T told me very early on when I was in a lot of distress all the time. She asked me to just "Trust the process.". This was when I didn't even know if I could trust her (took me 9 months). In difficult times, I remember this and it helps me show up.

I still meltdown but not as often.