I`ve been there too kimmydawn. My mother died in 2003 at 96 years of age. I had to pretend to be ok while she was alive, or "normal" anyway, while she lived.
We never even tried to tell anyone how it was for us until after she died, & you need to remember that DIDs do dissociate more under stress.
We think our mother`s death might have made a new start for us, as someone who can live without being in shadow. She didn`t mean to hurt me I think.