That's totally it, treehouse. It is very distancing, isn't it? It's like if suddenly I started calling T, "Mr. ____" instead of by his first name. Similarly, starting to use clinical lingo, talk about diagnoses, take notes during session--all that is so medical. I am not ill, so don't go all clinical on me. Acting clinical sends the message to me, "I think you are ill. I think there is something wrong with you. I think you are not healthy. I will try to fix you." That is a very distancing message. I mean, c'mon, we're sunny and T. We've known each other for 2.5 years. We're human! We've laughed together, cried together, man! Don't act like some clinician.

Yes, there is a part of me that knows I am reading this wrong.

Yes, I agree. I would have liked to be able to share his excitement but I got too bogged down in its perceived ramifications on me (he doesn't want the therapeutic relationship to be so central in therapy, therefore he wants to withdraw from our closeness).

I think I am having a lot of what they call "negative transference" right now because of my marriage. My H was always withdrawing from me, refusing to engage emotionally, distancing himself, holding me at arm's length, even though we were husband and wife. It was very, very hurtful. There is only so many times one can force oneself to go to the empty well to drink. This feels the same. T withdrawing from our relationship. I am so sick of that with my H that my reaction is, "hey, I don't need you either, buddy." It also makes me feel defective.

I sent T an email to cancel my appointment next week. Something came up at work and I could not get time off during the day after all, which is when I was scheduled. I can't say I was that sorry, and it took the responsibility for canceling out of my hands. I had to cancel, because my boss said I had to be at work.