You sound a lot like me. My dx is ddnos and i have a lot of questions regarding DID too. i've also experienced times where someone else is in charge of my body even tho "i" can be thinking something other than what the other me is doing. Like, i can think no, i don't want to take those pills even as my arm is reaching up and opening the bottle. Other times i can be unable to speak while being aware that i'm experiencing that and yet not be able to break it right away.

i agree re: integration. i tend to think some degree of "integration" has already taken place in that we are aware of our parts and also think there are some i'm not aware of that simply haven't had a need to be present any longer. If your perception of integration is that the parts will go away then i personally find that goal to not be in one's best interest. If it is to have access to all parts of self then i think it's good. i have no desire to get rid of myselves. i want to know all of them, how they think and feel, and be able to accept them all. It feels disrespectful to want them to disappear even though i understand how scary some things can be sometimes.

Well...i'm not sure i've been of any assistance but wanted to let you know i hear you and believe i understand. i'm not sure of anything right now--seems like everything i think and say is circuitous--so take what works and leave the rest.