OK, so I've been going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately - to the point where I've missed 2 days of work and expect to miss work tomorrow as well. I am an emotional trainwreck.

(For more info, see my post on the Survivors of Abuse forum....)

Last week's session with T was highly successful because I typed up some discussion notes that we were able to review together and talk about certain things that were of importance. It worked out very well, and I wanted to continue in that pattern.

So, I have been keeping a log of the significant issues of the week. This week, though, has been extremely triggery....and one thing that came out in the other forum is that I did not want to call my T while I was in the midst of a full blown panic attack.

I decided to include this info in my notes, stating the following:

1. I feel like a burden, that I am a client that pays you for 45 minutes of your time each week. Other than that, I am nobody of significance. I've called during situations that involved something of real consequence...not just becuase of some feelings which are not emergent.

2. I was afraid to show you what I was going through.

3. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. I want to be powerful and not a crybaby who can't handle it.

I sent the notes to him tonight, so there's no turning back now.

I am trying to be strong and face all this....but it's just too much, too soon......