Need to express how I am feeling and what has been going on in T.

On tuesday I saw both my T and we worked on feeling some of the feelings. This was/is really hard for me to do. I couldn't even cry (but feel that I need to). But now the feelings won't go away and my littles are crying so much. One T tells me to put an image of him and my other T with the littles so they can feel comforted. I have done that and they still continue to cry. The crying seems to get louder during the day when I am working and at night when I am trying to sleep.

I also have been having lots of SI thoughts. They have been more dominent the last couple of hours but I am not acting on them. My T wants me to share them with another part, monster, so that he can feel what it is like to feel this way. I guess he things that monster is giving me the thoughts. I am not quite sure.

Also on Tuesday my T "found" another part. This one is also mean like monster.

I am so overwhelmed right now I am not sure what to do.
I have another appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning but I am not sure how it is going to go. I am not sure where to start and what my T will do. I am scared that she will tell me to go to the hospital again. I had been doing so well but this last week as been really tough.

I don't want to feel the feelings, especially if I am going to be this way after doing it. I am really scared that my abuser is going to come and find me and even kill me for talking and telling about what happened. How do I get rid of this fear?

If anyone has been through an experience like this please let me know. I am not sure how to get through this right now.

Thanks for listening.............