Sky, I know you mean well, but in this case I don't see the "I don't want to" or "I'm not sure I can" techique working.

I'm fighting a losing battle.

I finally threw out hateful e-mails from the time of our divorce 4-5 years ago.
He didn't.
He's using it against me.

I have a suicide attempt under my belt.
He doesn't.
It could work against me.

I let my daughter come home from school on days she's not feeling well.
He doesn't.
He's using it against me.

I don't understand math.
He does.
He's using it against me.

My house is a democracy.
His house is a dictatorship.
He's using it against me.

I have a one-adult household.
He has a two-adult household.
He's using it against me.

I don't have any friends.
He has many friends.
He's using it against me.

I do things with my kids and limit my socialization when they're at his place.
He does things for himself and stays home when the kids are with him.
He's using it against me.

I buy them clothes.
He pays their health insurance.
He's using it against me.

My family lives 3 hours away.
His is 30 minutes away.
He's using it against me.

I have a small family, spread out hours in all directions.
He has a large extended family, all within 30 minutes.
He's using it against me.

I work on production - my work day doesn't end until the quota is met. Housework slides because of it.
He works on salary - his work day ends when he wants it to. His house is much cleaner.
He's using it against me.

I cry.
He shows no emotion.
He's using it against me.

I got a disorderly conduct fine for calling my ex landlord a name (and there were no witnesses).
He "only" has a drunk driving arrest.
He's using it against me.

I find attempting to talk with my kids or sending them to their room to cool off, even if it means I have to step outside to cool down as well, works best for me. Sometimes I raise my voice, sometimes I say things I wish I didn't. Sometimes I have to apologize to my kids.
He finds hitting occasionally and saying they deserved it and then threatening to hit again to keep his kids in line works best.
He's using it against me.

I lik to think big decisions through when it involves the kids.
He makes big decisions for them in a snap and refuses to rethink them.
He's using it against me.

Because my daughter had 10 absences this year, is getting a D in math, has a messy bedroom, doesn't see her maternal grandparents as often as her paternal, her mother speaks her mind, doesn't feel the need to kick back with a few beers, can't talk her way out of bad decisions, and sometimes my kids come out on top during a disagreement, is the court going to find that it's in their best interest to live with him the majority of the time?

Probably. And I CAN'T HAVE THAT, but I might not have a choice unless I back down and let him have his way.....AGAIN. I haven't done anything "bad" but the court might say that a strict disciplinarian who refuses to admit any faults is a better influence than someone who runs a fair but loose ship and admits her weaknesses.

Yes, I'm in agony. It might not be what others would consider agony, but it's mine and it's the worst thing I've gone through in all of my 43 years. I'm fighting to keep my kids in a safe and nurturing environment, and I might lose them to two people who think it's better to dictate and treat them as objects.